Saturday, July 31, 2010

A word about my decision... no longer share this blog publicly on Facebook. I have been very hurt by someone who is supposed to be a Christian lately. I don't want to stoop to this person's level by being passive aggressive or whatever on there. I don't want those who don't know what is going on to speculate. I figure if you care enough to actually be reading this, that you're not as likely to gossip about me. I pray that I'm right.

I'm very blessed in that I have had several friends minister to me during this time that has been rough. Like many people, my self-esteem is not the greatest. When someone obviously doesn't want anything to do with me, it hurts. I know that my esteem lies only in mine and God's view of me, but the human in me wants to please people, too. I start wondering what is so offensive in me that this person can't stand me?? I need to remember that it is not something I can fix. It is not MY problem to resolve. I am to reach out in love, and that is all I can do. If I do that, and they don't respond, I have tried my best. At this point, it would be best for me to back off. And if they continue to be like this, well...oh well.

It bothers me that apparently this person feels like they no longer have to even pretend to like me or treat me in Christian love now that they don't live near me anymore. Well, now that I think about it, it isn't like she made that much of an effort when we did live nearby. She would walk right by me and not speak. She never spoke to me unless I tried to speak first. You and I know that this is not the way that God would have us behave. And SHE and God will have to deal with that. It isn't my 'thing'.

I've tried. I've honestly tried. I guess what also bothers me is that so many people I know are very oblivious to this side of her, and think she's some kind of saint. THAT is frustrating. But I'm not going there.

The Lord is gonna help me through this. A dear friend suggested a book to me that I'm going to look for that addresses my 'people pleasing' tendencies. If you are reading this...please pray that I continue to leave this in God's hands and stop worrying myself with such pettiness. God is good, all the time! All the time, God is good!